Chefs Eat Garbage (Even the Fancy Ones)
Don’t judge the simple meals you make yourself.
I once watched my mentor, Chef Mangiaricina, eat the un-nibbled leftovers off of a customer’s bussed plate, like a raccoon in a dumpster.
Why? Because cooking for other people is exhausting.
If you took my previous article’s advice, and are cooking for other people to grow your skills and confidence in the kitchen: Rad. I’m proud of you. You deserve a round of applause and a blowjob. I’m only offering the former though.
But, there’s a chance that if you focused so hard on cooking for others, you forgot to feed yourself. Don’t sweat it, you’re probably sweaty enough as is.
Ask a sex worker if they want to get laid after they get off work. The answer is probably “absolutely not.”
Slaving over hot stoves, trashing your forearms whisking a bunch of shit, and constantly washing dishes will leave you on fumes come time to feed yourself.
Even the most fancy chefs go home and make themselves a Wonderbread PB&J at the end of the night. Marco Pierre White is responsible for 3 Michelin Star restaurants, and loves to end his day with a Ham Sandwich.
I still find myself cooking for others, and then eating the scraps as I stand over a trash can. I rarely sit down and eat with my friends when I host dinner.
Once dessert hits the table, I’m breaking down the kitchen and trying to unfuck the colossal mess I made. I’m Hurricane4Fingers when I’m cooking, and adding to the mess to feed myself feels sisyphean and masochistic.
Like working out, or jerking off: you can overdo it and ruin yourself. So don’t.
Enjoy your Velveeta Mac and Cheese, and pat yourself on the back for having the energy to even boil water.
Chef4Fingers is an idiot who made his family Lamb Chops for Rosh Hashanah and then fed himself string cheese. He can be found here on Medium, and on Twitter as TheChef4Fingers.
