You Can’t Outcook A Crackhead
No, seriously, this dude is a grilling BEAST.
I’ve been getting dunked on by a LITERAL crackhead at work.
Let’s call him… Tyrone. Like Tyrone Biggum from Chappelle’s Show, because crack.
Tyrone has cooked professionally for a billion years in this town. He’s cooked for one of the biggest venues in the city, for one of the most popular athletes on Earth. He’s cooked in fine dining. He’s cooked in juke joints. He’s cooked EVERYWHERE, my dudes.
He’s also cooked his brain like it was Blackened Catfish.
Clocking into the kitchen every day is usually done to the soundtrack of whatever hippie bullshit he’s playing. Phish, Jerry Garcia, Pink Floyd, and pretty much every band with a live album full of Entirely Too Fucking Long Guitar Solos you can imagine. All Tyrone’s music.
He greets you with a smile full of missing teeth, mumbles something barely coherent, and then proceeds to disappear for a smoke break. WHAT he’s smoking at that particular moment seems to be determined by a Magic 8-Ball of Inebriation.
Could be a Newport, could be crack, could be a joint of some Californian stinky. Could be all 3. He’d probably smoke pubes if he thought you could catch a buzz off of ‘em.
Then he comes back and proceeds to absolutely DOMINATE the grill during a rush.
It boggles my drug-free fucking mind. I work on my skills, I practice for the sake of practice. And here is Tyrone, BARELY fucking aware of what zip code he’s in, handling multiple orders, mastering timing, and executing complex dishes with ease.
ALL while rambling about the time he did Acid at a Tom Petty show and saw Jesus or whatever the fuck he said.
I love Tyrone. I can’t stand Tyrone. I can only aspire to be half as good during a rush as Tyrone.
Remember Tyrone when someone tries to belittle your lack of pedigree in a kitchen. You can absolutely smoke a professional cook if you put your mind to it. Or do a bunch of crack apparently.
Chef4Fingers is a teetotaller that is considering smoking crack to see if it will make him half as good as Tyrone on the grill. He can be found here on Medium and on Twitter as TheChef4Fingers.
